Saturday, December 20, 2014

St. Orres, July 2013

Sometimes these days I think I was incapable of looking good when I was fat. I think this picture disproves that. I look so happy it's disgusting.

Why There Are Words

This picture makes me happy for a number of reasons. First, it was taken (back in June 2012) at Why There Are Words in Sausalito. Second, I'm holding a beer. Third, I'm with two of the better dudes out there: Adam and Marcus. Those guys. I have spent many a night trash-talking with the two of them. Good times.

In progress

The innocuous gets you the worst. Of course I’ve known that all along. Knowing means nothing. I shake my head to clear it of these thoughts as Kelly brings out a package that looks for all the world as though it just contains gum. Gum, the most innocent of the innocent. But this isn’t gum.

“This is indica,” she says. “It’s a head high. That means you can still be in the game, just more relaxed.”

I’d forgotten that I’d known her. When she came up to me at the party and threw her arms around me, I thought: Oh shit. Damn my faulty memory; it’s only a failure when I need it to help me. Eventually it coalesced: her name, a few scant details about her. It didn’t much matter. She was determined to get high and to take a few of us with her.

We gather in a back room that the apartment dwellers call the garage. Shit is everywhere. A bike, a few couches, bags of crap. It puts me at ease. I like the people who live here. I like how they inhabit space, how they are comfortable with their own footprint.

“Okay,” Kelly says, leaning against an ironing board. “Who’s going first?”

My husband’s voice hard in my head: You never say no, can you? But he’s nowhere near. He doesn’t have to know. 

Random

The love of my life is really the only love of my life. That makes things easier, I think.

Indigo Girls, "Get Out the Map"

The saddest sight my eyes can see is that big ball of orange sinking slyly down the trees
Sitting in a broken circle while you rest upon my knee this perfect moment will soon be leaving me
Suzanne calls from Boston the coffee's hot the corn is high
And that same sun that warms your heart will suck the good earth dry
With everything it's opposite enough to keep you crying or keep this old world spinning with a twinkle in its eye
Get out the map get out the map and lay your finger anywhere down
We'll leave the figuring to those we pass on our way out of town
Don't drink the water there seems to be something ailing everyone I'm gonna clear my head
I'm gonna drink that sun I'm gonna love you good and strong
while our love is good and young Joni left for South Africa a few years ago and then
Beth took a job all the way over on the West Coast
And me I'm still trying to live half a life on the road
I'm heavier by the year and heavier by the load.
Why do we hurtle ourselves through every inch of time and space I must say around some corner
I can sense a resting place
With every lesson learned a line upon your beautiful face
We'll amuse ourselves one day with these memories we'll trace
Get out the map get out the map and lay your finger anywhere down
We'll leave the figuring to those we pass on our way out of town
Don't drink the water there seems to be something ailing everyone
I'm gonna clear my head I'm gonna drink the sun
I'm gonna love you good and strong while our love is good and young